Communication, Negative Patterns -2

Do you find it difficult to respond to your partner when (s)he is reproaching you or telling you about what is wrong with the relationship and maybe about you?

Do you feel threatened or maybe overwhelmed by this?
Maybe you are trying your best to maintain the peace and your best way of achieving this is by staying quiet, by not engaging?
Maybe you feel like running away literally or metaphorically? Just to get away from the negative feelings this activates in you?

Most likely you and your partner are stuck in a negative pattern. Want to try to get out of it?

See if you can make small change, perhaps by reacting in a different manner. So next time your partner does this, do not recoil. Try saying something like: "So let me see if I understand you, what you are saying is... Is that correct?" Without sarcasm but genuinely trying to understand and summarize what your partner is saying.

What will happen is that your partner actually feels as if you are listening and paying attention. A large part of the (seemingly) endless repetition of the same questions, statements, reproaches, is the fact that the other person feels they are not being heard. Once you let them feel that you hear them, there is the possibility of having a different talk.

It might just be the first little step towards a different way of communicating.

More complicated than it seems?
Do feel welcome to contact me. You don't have to do this by yourself!