Communication: Negative Patterns

Are you and your partner stuck in negative patterns?

You can often tell by how you communicate. For example: are you often dissatisfied, blaming, nagging, talking a lot while your partner is getting more and more quiet, non-responsive and avoidant in general and especially of “difficult” conversations?

If this is the case you are most likely dealing with a negative pattern of pushing ( the other person) versus pulling back.

Take a moment to reflect: what is your underlying need when you reproach your partner? What do you really want? Meaning: not what is wrong about your partner but what would you really like? What do you need? F.ex. if your partner has a demanding work schedule, try not to say things like: ”you never have time for me, all you care about is work and yourself. You are basically selfish” But try “I realize work is demanding. Yet I miss you and our time together. I would really like for us to have more time together to go out to dinner once every other week or listen to music together. Would you be willing to make time for that?”

It feels different this way , for both you and your partner. Slightly scary? Take a deep breath. Try it out, see what happens.

Would you like more support with negative patterns? Do contact me! You don't have to do this alone.