Chris | EFT-Gestalt-Systemisch

Relationship & Couples Therapy Haarlem

Relationships

It becomes more complicated if you already had one or more serious relationships behind you and/or form a blended family. Then you and/or your partner will bring along more vulnerability within your relationship. Children could demand your full attention and / or one of you reacts out of guilt for breaking up your native family. That pattern could give a lot of turmoil.

Dynamics

You may recognize some of the following interactions an/or inner thoughts:

• You avoid to share your feelings and primarily talk about superficial things and don’t feel emotionally connected. You have the impression that your partner is mentally “somewhere else”. You want more in-depth conversations, especially about sensitive matters.

• One of you is constantly directing his/her attention to the other in order to please. It makes you feel unbalanced or restless and want to hear his/her opinion. Or your partner is often more concerned with him/herself and you feel neglected.

• You don't succeed in solving arguments satisfactory. You are always bogged down in the same patterns. Blaming each other instead of expressing your desires, your needs. You stopped doing little sweet things for each other. The “favor and fun” factor has disappeared.

• You understand each other, but that doesn't change the situation or pattern. One of you can't or is not willing to take his/her responsibility for his/her share or behavior. You are always pushing to change but nothing happens. You feel depressed and frustrated, powerless. 
  
  

• You don’t enjoy sex any more. Your relationship is starting to resemble a professional relationship in which you focus on efficiency and get the job done. You long for playfulness, lightness, sexuality, but shame, fear or a lack of self confidence blocks you to discuss this matter properly.

Often I encounter these dynamics within couples and also recognize some in my personal life. The good thing is: you can turn these around. I consider myself as an example. I have faced some of these challenges too and I learned to do it.  So I would be honoured to guide you in this challenging but very rewarding journey.

Couple Guidance

Within Couples therapy or guidance you'll experience yourself how you can raise sensitive issues, without getting into a fight each time. How you can solve delicate issues satisfactory. Become aware that you both play your own role in the interactions.

With the experiential methods from EFT, System and Gestalt therapy you ‘ll be encouraged to experience your actual communication patterns and what drives you underneath. I’ll show you how to acknowledge each other’s thoughts and feelings so you learn to create a safe and positive ground to further explore and share your inner thoughts and feelings about each other and about yourself. You will slowly feel more emotionally connected, more closeness and able to express your own needs and wants more clearly.

Gestalt focusses also on your body posture and expression. It is just as important as your mind in engaging positive change. Our bodies never lie. They show us our unaware feelings and emotions and it will guide you in your journey.

My own relating experience is just as important as my knowledge. I ‘ll support your positive intentions and assess your “love flow”: where or when is it blocked and how can I support your process to revive it again. I’ll challenge your leadership in creating the love you want and will confront you if needed in a sensitive way. As a male therapist, I can relate to what emotionally drives men maybe a bit more easily. 

Imagine what it would be like to build on your self confidence and learn a new way of connecting. I can't offer you a guarantee, but I'm sure it will help you in your development to become a more loving person.

Results

Engaging Couples therapy you will be able to:

• experience more emotional connection,
• express your feelings more clearly and freely,
• know better what you want and what’s really important for you,
• settle disagreements in a more satisfactory and authentic way,
• (re)discover your own and your partner's intimacy (the foundation for a flourishing sex life ;-),
• Step out of the blame-game and start communicating your desires and wants instead of your reproaches and complaints.

Who am I?

Born in ’64. My therapeutic drive probably stems from my youth, broad up in a middle class rather dysfunctional family. Although my parents loved me, they were both unable to create a loving environment to grow up. They couldn't express their feelings properly. Conflics or confrontations were avoided, emotions were suppressed. As a kid, I felt all kinds of tension underneath and didn’t feel completely save and supported. As a therapist I try to open up communication without judgement.

After a commercial career, 10 years ago I slowly transitioned to a professional therapist. I gained experience working for the Opvoedpoli, Stichting 113 Suicide Prevention and the Depression Association. As a talent coach I also guide people to a more spiritiual suiting job in line with their spiritual talents. I had my 4 year professional education at Kempler / NSG (system / gestal therapy) and followed divers leadership courses in the field of bodywork, blockages and love, including Venwoude, Osho Humaniversity, Hannah Cuppen (separation and commitment fear) and Piet Weisfelt (love energy). I am also part of various men's groups. I strongly believe in the power of men gatherings, because present men can support and inspire each other to further develop themself.

I’m fully committed to my personal and relational development. The way my wife and I are dealing with our issues, is a great source of inspiration. I have learned to protect myself when feeling vulnerable. That’s one of the basics to develop a healthy and loving relation. I am not perfect (and my wife neither 😉), so sometimes we also learn by trail and error. 

Besides my passion as a therapist, I love to play tennis, walking with our dog and cook amazing diners. Occasionally I go wild on the dance floor and one day I will give couple retreats together with my wife to build up a strong community with happy couples. And last but not least I enjoy to be together with my 3 kids. 

Questions? 

If you need more information, please contact me. Usually we can set a date within 2 weeks.

Chris