Blaming as a hidden desire

How often do you get a reproach from your partner? And that touches you. If we ask questions about it in therapy, often something else appears to lie underneath it. It turns out that it is driven by a deep desire. With that need you can connect much better than with the reproach. So, if you get a reproach, put your instinctive defensive reaction in the fridge and ask thoroughly about what lies underneath. You may then have a good conversation instead of a fight. And vice versa, if you feel the inclination of blaming your partner coming up, check with yourself which desire is actually touched. And consider saying that.